The Windhover

****
At high speed, Herbert strode up Cat Mountain. The brakes had fallen off the side-wing catamaran and Captain Felix had wandered into the dandelion's elocution lesson. Partridges ran naked through the jungle that grew on the side of Cat Mountain. Herbert had read about such things in his uncle's library in Surrey, but he had never before encountered such sights in real life. He opened his satchel and took out a sandwich with which to note down his new observations.

****
"Just before the gage falls below 13,000, you must pull the piston valve switch twice and then switch off the signet ribbon with the bicutlass wafer basket," instructed Captain Felix. Tom Marin-Shoe had never been so scared in all his life. He was to be left alone, at night, to steer this fine vessel, "The Tin Whisper" onward to Bombay and the long called simplicity of home.

****
"Barnacle Spaceman, Tired Falcon, The Left Shoe, St. Toads in the Gale and the unforgettable Mouse-Tannery Falls - these and more things will be seen as we guide you around the streets of Gay Paris" announced the tour guide. Turning left into Clop du Chef, Vanguard felt his chin lift two inches below his eyebrow and raise a treble fandango by the old notch that silk pursed the enthusing watches by the side of the Seine. "Ah Paris, you are my wonderful joy, you sing my song and the clouds kiss my wings," sang Vanguard. An old carpet stopped him by the side of a tobacconists and asked for the time. It was almost 4 p.m. in the afternoon.

****
If you can imagine the scene: it is nightfall, the trapeze has come to a rest and Leonard is falling towards ceiling with a turbo-charged elegance that does not befit his status of a man who mends boxes by taping goose feathers to their left side and preying to Jesus for their return to health. Still, the man we now see before us, it is he, and he is with silken apples dangling fencewards by the falcon midriff of an off-pike hamlet called "Marsperoine".

****
It is that time, already. THURSDAYE.

A note upon the awakening of a singing falcon who, in his adornment, sang a note until my heart was very pierced with silk Malcolm and the kaleidoscope of Martin-due hath don encrypted circle own and by an onyx fox had both untied a badger's forest from the appearance of His grandeur.

Oh Golden Bow!
Sing with happy force of old.
The wonder sapling shoe,
And votive bravado,
Bring forth like whisper's carrion.

Malden the force out loud,
Fold trees like ships accompaniment.
Be-drake the slip boundary,
Make whole the merriment.
Forewarn the arm of tired pastures.

Which Bruce Springsteen song are you?

In ten words or more, tell me which song you are and why.

I am Born in the U.S.A. Why? Because I'm fandangle grafting in the bingle dangle! Ram chant bosking in the mingle wangle. Brang janging in the twingle twangle. I'm bing bong banging in the mingle mangle.

So, now, answer me. Or don't.

Kind refraine.

Hektor

******

The sign by the side of the road read "Tabards - 5 Miles". We coated our eyes with peppermint and abandoned all thoughts of returning home before summer. Burgundy trees lined the route and Mr Tidy, the mouse, laid siege to a bottle of port that had been troubling him since Tuesday. Upon reaching the book depository, Leonard, the barberry duck, poured scorn on the passers, who were holding Arabian sandwiches in their lapels.

******

It was fitting that Mr Testorino had brought his guitar into the library that day. We had, the night before, sat by the fire and sung songs of broken parsnips and kaleidoscopes into the small hours. Malcolm had lost his shoes in the ensuing melody and Mr Box, the falcon, had had to rescue a family of panthers from a nearby cave.

******

"If you will insist on playing that infernal dot-matrix machine, I shall have no choice but to declare war on France," yelled Captain Sage. The Queen had been playing with the machine since last Tuesday, when she had discovered it under a pile of old cardigans. A flask of soup was brought in to her and a layer of butter applied to her hooves. Barley bent clover by the mustard dew stream and Cannibal Shoeshine ate the cold slice of cake by the half-opened door.

******

When the Jennifer and Mr Capers eloped last March, Martin had felt rather unusual. Admittedly, the sight of his wife running off with the local squirrel was perturbing, as was the local press reaction, which Martin considered to be unfair, to say the least. Now, sat in the reception halls of Edinburgh town hall, having witnessed their civil wedding, a tear fell on Martin's paws and he groaned like a bull on a flat bed of rocket with some couscous and grated parmesan to taste.

******

I think, dear reader, it is almost time for lunch.

From "The Posper'd Gnome" by Bequent and Mispheroide.

[A shop on a Venetian Street. Two milliners, Pescume and Folbert, are working. Pescume wears broad joists and a mouse on the front of his antelope. Folbert resounds with the sound of playing otters.]

Pescumbe: Verily this is the hat that shall besounde the tyde of whelks upon the Her very image!

Folbert: An' so, an' so. For what the hought these jaunty deliveries bring out and in like twilscycle in pesper's time.

Pescumbe: Most oikle this sir that doeth bold the braven of toast and make us ride and miscumbe in our very temple.

Folbert: Are you saying that the cake becomes the trouser by the monkey's house?

Pescumbe: Indeed, indeed! This the mountain side and hot the turnip player's suit! You fox burnt onpid, you chespering cagool.

[The door opens. A Merchant enters.]

Merchant: Gooddaye. I hath to uptake theyse orders herye fram bound the lake. [Merchant hands ticket to Pescumbe]

Pescumbe: [examining ticket] ha ha ha, this [laughs; Pescumbe hands the ticket to Folbert]

Folbert: [takes a close look at the ticket] it is…it is….a moped of broom that you hath bring'd here in such cheese circumstance! You pepper'd jolly!

Merchant: Why you…[strikes Folbert on the head with a cardigan]

[The door opens, the Duke enters]

Duke: Besquole with these you choisper'd cakes! You will make a broom of a mouse and a trumpet of shoes! Beygone you apples. If I scold you like swans will you understand?

Pescumbe [to Folbert]: It would seem the Duke has eaten his soup through a rose petal this morning.

Folbert [to Pescumbe]: Moreover [laughs] I would like his Lordships twosper'd shoulder hath been betraying him in the sand castle.

[The Duke leaves, dragging the Merchant. Folbert busies himself in the shoppe. The audience can see that night is drawing in.]

Pescumbe [to the audience]: Most Noble Duke, his Excellency,
Did pop his pepid quaye,
He sunty forthe a jaunty jig,
Besquip'd an pansey pay.
An thus to ours, Aramagone.
The marquis by the lake,
Penjangle moist behind the twix,
A' besper'd noble snake.

[Pescumbe, takes his hat, closes the door, and withdraws singing "ou tooth hath boquin'd monce an kip"]

A brief note of the first meeting of the Jasper Club.

Tarbind hobine in the wind. We met on Saturday for the inaugural meeting of the Jasper Club.

First item of business: Hektor was elected permanent President of the Jasper Club.

Second item of business: Ted was elected permanent Treasurer and Secretary of the Jasper Club.

Third item of business: in accordance with paragraph (a)(iv)(A)(2)(I)(aa) of Section 4(1) of the Constitution of the Jasper Club (hereafter, the "Constitution") note taking was upwardly delegated from the Secretary of the Jasper Club to the President of the Jasper Club, paragraph (b)(vii) of Section 99(3) of the Constitution being applied and Section 72(9) of the Constitution being suspended for these purposes.

Fourth item of business: International Wind Jammer Festival. The Jasper Club have been asked to sponsor this event, being held in Toronto 2014, the request was refused on account of paragraph (a)(ii) of Section 7(2) of the Constitution (rules pertaining to the inclusion of mice).

Fifth item of business: it was resolved by the High Contracting Parties to sally forth invitations to selected persons, such invitations to be put forward on an ad-hoc basis in accordance with Section 3 of the Constitution.

There being no further business, the meeting was adjourned until 29 September 2008.

Sunc in septum im immerabalus temporus!

[For the record, the notes of the meeting bear the signatures of:

Hektor Hamulec
President of the Jasper Club

Ted (aka Maquando)
Treasurer and Secretary of the Jasper Club]