Shamed MP admits: "Expenses claims were legitimate".
By staff reporter P. O'rno

Westminster was reeling at the news this lunchtime that Wayne Kerr, the Labour MP for Trousers and Ankles had submitted a legitimate expenses claim for "a hot lunch whilst working on a Sunday" and "a visit to Timney's cinema, Redditch".

Appetite

Kerr admitted in a statement released to the press: "like many members of the House, I have a voracious appetite. If I am not sated quickly enough, I can become restless. This can cause much distress to my wife and my fellow backbenchers."

Films

As part of the Culture and Sport select committee, the MP for Trousers and Ankles justified his visit to the notorious cinema in Redditch as "research into alternative media experiences."

Electoral problems

The shamed MP has one of the smallest majorities in the commons and colleagues say that his enjoyment of the "finer things in life" may put him on a collision course with Commons authorities, which prefer such activities to be carried on within the confines of the Palace of Westminster.

Browned off

A spokesperson for the government said "Wayne is doing a remarkable job in his job as an MP, he claims expenses and votes when the Whips tell him to."

Mr Kerr's net worth is GBP 44,578 (minus expenses).