Havers

Darling, really, it was such soggy pleasure. Oh, really it was.

Gloria Estefan came rolling out of the garden gate in her roller-skates, she took a swing with her brass handle at the passing Minster of State for Cars and shook a bag of turnips into next week. Beholding this sight, I, who had previously been sitting in a mulberry bush took my shoes and began trampling on the fixed gibbons we had planted last summer in a fit of rage.

Martin Lewis, oh kindly newshound he, put protruding teeth into a jar and flummoxed a pheasant who was basking in the golden sunshine with a glass of beer for a pillow.

Imagine my surprise when the constabulary turned up and we were all pinched for causing an affray!

Michael Douglas came to the rescue posting the usual five million pound bail, and we were free by lunchtime on Saturday. That is when the penguins visited with their ottoman horseshoes and things have not been the same since.

Tennis was invented last Thursday by William G Stewart.