Havers

Saturday found us larking round at the Egyptian's again. A most glorious feast provided, as usual. He was talking about the time that Idi Amin visited him in his retreat in Port Stanley - Amin was a most uncomfortable houseguest and it seemed that the Egyptian would never get rid of him. Fortunately, one of the Egyptian's servants proposed trout for dinner and, with the expectant thrust of a nobleman at the waist of a young wench, Amin promptly took flight and headed back to Uganda on the presidential flight!

We were ensconced at Abbot's Bar on Sunday with Martin Clunes and chums for lunch, when Noel Edmonds and his entourage arrived. Sir Christopher Jawkins Q.C. spoke in favour of the motion ("This House contends that you should open the box, Sir") and Dame Judy Dench spoke against. Colin Firth made an honest (but useless) junior to Jawkins Q.C. and the well-honed barristerial skills of Mr Clive Anderson provided Dame Judy with a much capable assistance. When the House divided at around 6.20 pm, Members were most refreshed of a good debate and pleasantly watered with fine wines and ale. The "Noes" had it and the money was taken!

Profoundly displeased by the outcome of this particular spectacle, Edmonds challenged yours truly to a milk race in the car park and well I was just about to lay claim to the sack of spuds when the constabulary arrived and we were charged with causing an affray! Michael Douglas pitched up around midnight, La Zeta Jones in tow, and posted the usual ₤ 5,000,000 bail!

Garden news in brief: the halitosis is coming out a treat this year. I put it down to all the fine mornings we have enjoyed in May!

Next week I'm off to visit President Lech Kaczynski of Poland, no less!

Toodle pip.