Lunch with the old lush (Helvin) on Monday - bonkers as usual! Told me of the time she was stranded in Madrid with only a Portuguese man-o-war and a packet of polo mints for company! Martin Clunes arrived with Janet Street-Porter in tow and, well, the afternoon was made to happen.
Speaking of Vendredi, my old Merci Beaucoup, I was flattered to received an invite from Ms Row-The-Boat (of boat rowing fame) to join a little organisation called "The Trumpington Set". Alarmed by my lack of either (a) an Alsatian or (b) a PhD in astrophysics, I thought that I was no good to be a Trumpingtoneer, but I was pleased to learn that, within an hour, my application process had been put into the cardboard wheelbarrow and turned into an Egg!
Off to Michael Parkinson's house on Thursday - spoke at length of the Westminster expenses scandal, until I realised that I had to make it back to London for a dinner party with Mr and Mrs Pitt in order to discuss a new project - The Life and Times of Tom Conte. I have been earmarked to play TC and, for one, can tell you I AM THRILLED! Megan, foxy by name, foxy by nature was not far from my thoughts, when suggested who would play Pauline Collins in the Shirley Valentine fragment, but, alas, I was told that the role would be played by either Oprah Winfrey or Luther Vandross!
Parkey texted at that point, with the news that my leg had fallen off! I smacked the waiter in the mouth at the news and broke several teeth in the process. The Pitts wrestled me to the ground and the Chef de Hotel summoned the constabulary and one was banged up for the night for an affray! Michael Douglas came and posted the usual bounty and I was out by Christmas morning in time to open my presents with Christopher Biggens and Mel C!
Ahoy! As they say in Czechoslovakia!
Nige
Juzzzy
I've had Helvin, several times.